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Good or bad, it's your decision - Say What? #33

Hello everyone! Apologies for sending this a week later than scheduled - there was a problem with ren
March 1 · Issue #33 · View online
Say What?
Hello everyone!
Apologies for sending this a week later than scheduled - there was a problem with renewing the newsletter’s subscription, so that kind of messed things up a little.
But anyhow, things are back to normal again, so here I am! Did you miss me? :p
Hopefully you are all doing okay, despite the political shit storm that happened in Malaysia in the past week (and probably for the next few weeks as well).
This week’s issue will be on making amends with yourself, hope you enjoy it!

Life is not easy. Sometimes it can be all fun and happy. And sometimes, it just throws you off the deep end and expects you to survive it all. I’m sure we’ve all had moments in our past where we’ve questioned our lives and wondering if we made the right decision for ourselves.
“Are we really meant for this?”
“Why am I doing this?”
“Should I just call it quits and stop?
One of my moments, of which I sometimes do still think about after all these years, was back in April/May 2012.
I’ve just received my SPM results in March, and was so looking forward to what the future has in store. I was already 4-5 months into my A-Levels (I was a fast-track kid), I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go.
But then, life hit me. And, damn, it hit me hard.
I failed most of my scholarship applications. Despite my results, I didn’t manage to secure any scholarships. Looking at all my friends who have had offers from the scholarship bodies that I so wanted, I felt crushed. My dreams were shattered.
That affected me hard. At that time, we were just starting our university application preparation. I was supposed to draft out my UCAS personal statements - on why I wanted to pursue Actuarial Science and how my skills and knowledge helped me get to where I want to go.
But I couldn’t do it. My mind was shut blank. My confidence plummeted and I couldn’t get a decent draft together. I couldn’t even convince myself that I was doing the right thing for me.
All I knew was that I failed, miserably.
And I needed to find a way out.
When the MARA offer came in late June, I saw it as a second chance at redeeming myself. I gave it some thoughts, and decided to grab that chance. I forgo whatever plans I had for myself at that time and decided to start over.
It turned out well, considering how I’m standing where I am now. A supportive husband, two degrees in my hand, a solid job, with a pretty good idea of where I want to be in life.
But I’ve always had this nagging thought in the back of my head when I was studying, ”Was I not good enough to be where I wanted to be?
Even now, almost 8 years after, I still sit and wonder, did I do the right thing? What would’ve happened if I continued on my path? Did I sacrificed my dreams and settled for less, when I could’ve gone for more?
There isn't one question that will keep you up longer than the question "What if I didn't give up?"
Deshauna Barber: One Question Changed Her Life Forever
I’ve listened to two versions of the same speech by Deshauna Barber, but it never gets old. The longer version of the speech is included above, and a shorter version can be found here.
And, man, I’ve got to tell you. It hit me hard.
The thing is - I couldn’t do anything about it anymore. I made the decision 8 years ago, and whether it was the right or wrong decision, that’s up to me to decide as I go on with the rest of my life.
I could let it be a wrong decision, and spend the rest of my life regretting my choices. I could wallow in self-pity about how I gave up and all the opportunities I’ve let slipped, just because I chose to quit.
Or I could decide that it was the best decision of my life, and carry on with all the lessons that I’ve learnt and open all the new doors that had showed up along the way.
Life's always going to be screwed, one way or another.
Life’s never going to go as planned. Things happen and we would have to make decisions based on what we think is best for us at that moment in time.
Sure, when you look back after a few years, you’d realize all the different ways that you could’ve managed it. You’d see other options that you didn’t see before, and you’d tell yourself, “Shit, why didn’t I think of this before?
You can’t blame yourself. After all, you’re wiser now than you were before, and you know more things now than you did before. Of course you’d see things a little differently, especially more so after you’ve experienced how that decision turned out for you.
But you can’t really guarantee that life would turn out better if you choose the other options. It’s never a clear cut answer on which paths would be the best one for you anyway.
Instead, it all depends on what you make out of it. If you’ve learnt from the experiences and grow better as a person because of that decision, then it’s a good one. Don’t be too hard on yourself by thinking about all the other possible paths, as it would not do you any good or provide you with a peace of mind.
So, whatever it is and wherever in life you are, make amends with yourself and don’t blame yourself (too much) on any decisions (good or bad) that you’ve made in the past. As long as you can learn from your experience and use it to guide your future life decision, I’d call that a win :)
Signing off for now with a new blog post.
Took me a (little over a) month to get this up on the blog, so I hope you enjoy it! :)
One step forward – Hello again Malaysia! One step forward – Hello again Malaysia!
Until I see you guys again (next week, insyaAllah!), take care and stay awesome.
Nazu xx
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