Life is not easy. Sometimes it can be all fun and happy. And sometimes, it just throws you off the deep end and expects you to survive it all. I’m sure we’ve all had moments in our past where we’ve questioned our lives and wondering if we made the right decision for ourselves.
“Are we really meant for this?”
“Why am I doing this?”
“Should I just call it quits and stop?
One of my moments, of which I sometimes do still think about after all these years, was back in April/May 2012.
I’ve just received my SPM results in March, and was so looking forward to what the future has in store. I was already 4-5 months into my A-Levels (I was a fast-track kid), I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go.
But then, life hit me. And, damn, it hit me hard.
I failed most of my scholarship applications. Despite my results, I didn’t manage to secure any scholarships. Looking at all my friends who have had offers from the scholarship bodies that I so wanted, I felt crushed. My dreams were shattered.
That affected me hard. At that time, we were just starting our university application preparation. I was supposed to draft out my UCAS personal statements - on why I wanted to pursue Actuarial Science and how my skills and knowledge helped me get to where I want to go.
But I couldn’t do it. My mind was shut blank. My confidence plummeted and I couldn’t get a decent draft together. I couldn’t even convince myself that I was doing the right thing for me.
All I knew was that I failed, miserably.
And I needed to find a way out.
When the MARA offer came in late June, I saw it as a second chance at redeeming myself. I gave it some thoughts, and decided to grab that chance. I forgo whatever plans I had for myself at that time and decided to start over.
It turned out well, considering how I’m standing where I am now. A supportive husband, two degrees in my hand, a solid job, with a pretty good idea of where I want to be in life.
But I’ve always had this nagging thought in the back of my head when I was studying, ”Was I not good enough to be where I wanted to be?“
Even now, almost 8 years after, I still sit and wonder, did I do the right thing? What would’ve happened if I continued on my path? Did I sacrificed my dreams and settled for less, when I could’ve gone for more?