Who are you, really? - Say What? #38

The reason I chose to write about self-reflection today is because of some leftover thoughts that I have in my mind after giving two (somewhat similar but also different) sessions on job searching (see this and that).

It’s something that I personally believe is an important aspect in our lives and that we should strive to do continuously (and not just when we’re looking for a new job, etc).

So, I figured, why not document these thoughts in today’s issue?

Friends who know me enough can tell that I absolutely adore Disney’s Mulan, and how I am especially drawn towards the ‘Reflection’ scene. The scene portrayed Mulan’s decision to forgo living her life as how others see fit (i.e. a quiet, timid daughter) and taking her life into her own hands (literally).

This is an important part of her life, and one that we can look into and learn from.

If you look in a mirror (since we’re all stuck at home and can’t go out to a pool/river/body of water), who do you actually see?

Do you like the person that you’re seeing in the reflection? And do you actually know them?

What happens with a lot of us, especially in Malaysia, is that we get carried away with what others think and expect out of us. We do things because people say we should, or that because everyone else is doing it so you might as well follow the crowd.

After all, if everyone’s doing similar things, it must be right. Right?

Good news: There is no right or wrong way to conduct self-reflection! It is, as the name says, something that is personal to you.

Self-reflection is a way for you to know who you are as a person, and since we are all different individuals with different habits, characteristics, and personalities, the way we conduct our self-reflection would also differ.

The most common way to start self-reflection is to start asking questions, a lot of them. There is no right formula on how many questions you should ask, or even what kind of questions you should ask. That would all depends on what phase of life you’re currently in and the ‘issue’ or problem that you are trying to tackle/overcome.

But, for starters, these questions might be useful to kickstart your self-reflection:

Depending on how you are as a person, you might find it easier to jot down your thoughts. Others might prefer to record their thoughts via audio, or doodle things down, or just talking about it out loud to an empty room. It’s definitely up to you on how you want to approach it.

But the main thing is to be honest when you are answering those questions. And, the best part is, there is no right answer to any of these questions. You are more than welcome to ask yourself different sets of questions (you can Google these up or come up with your own, depending on your situation). Asking yourself the WH questions (Who, What, Why, How, Where) tend to be useful as well.

The answers you have to those questions can help you to understand who you are as a person and your values in life.

When you have greater understanding of who you are, it would be easier for you to then figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life and how to get there.

Confused about what to study in university or what career to get into? Think about what brings joy to you, and what degree or career would help you to do more of that.

Not sure how to convince employers to hire you for a particular job? The more you know about who you are and why you’re doing something, the easier it is for you to convey that message to someone else.

Contemplating whether to quit your job and jump into a different field? Does the new field align with your values and purpose in life? Would it bring more joy? Do you have the necessary skills or relevant experiences to be able to make that transition as smooth as possible? If not, what else can you do to make it through?

Why do I say this?

It’s because when you are living your life based on your own terms, you are less likely to compare yourself with other people. You would know that everyone has their own paths in life to follow, and that would help you to be more content with where you are in your life.

Self-reflection also helps you in other aspects of your life, such as improving your relationships (with your family, friends, colleagues, etc). It can help you to think about any toxic traits that you may have that may harm your relationships, and what you can do to fix it before it gets too late.

If you’re married and thinking about having a child (or adopting one), doing self-reflection can help you be a better parent, since you have a better idea on what your values are and what you envision your family to be like in the future (i.e. if you know that you have strong religious values, you might want your children to grow up in a home that puts religion first, etc).

Wherever you are in your life journey, it is always a good idea to spend some time periodically for some form of self-reflection to keep yourself grounded. Some people choose to do some journalling at the end of every day, writing down what went wrong or right in the day and things that they want to improve. Some do it every year (i.e. end of the year), and use it as a way to plan ahead for the next year.

However you want to do it is up to you, as long as you are comfortable with the whole process. The more self-reflection that you do, the better you’ll get at noticing things that you may have missed before. It’s hard, especially if you’ve grown up in an environment that does not cultivate the culture of speaking out about your feelings and emotions. But it will get easier with time and a little bit of practice.

Before I sign off, I wanted to share the last two posts that were published on the blog. Yes - you read that right. I actually did published two posts in the last two weeks (as opposed to taking 1+ month to publish one blog post). I’ve been feeling extra productive in the last two weeks, so I guess this is the results!

Until I see you again, stay safe, stay at home (as much as you can!), take care & stay awesome!

Love,

Nazu xx

p/s - Projek Kad Raya for this year is on. Check out my Instagram stories to find out how you can sign up for one!